Memoirs
by Bookworm6795
Summary: My story begins in the summer of my fifteenth year, of course I had a life before that but it's hardly worth mentioning, all that you need to know of it now, is that it led me to live on my grandparents farm in Hemlock Grove.
1. Chapter 1

All of my life, for as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a writer but I never had anything to write. I tried of course, turning out any number of two dimensional works but try as I did I never could find the life in my words. I thought I needed experience, I needed to see real life and so that is what I strove to do with blatant disregard for the consequences of my foolish errand, both for me and for the people I loved. What I didn't know then is that real life is _real _and scary and messy and unpredictable. My story begins in the summer of my fifteenth year, of course I had a life before that but it's hardly worth mentioning, all that you need to know of it now, is that it led me to live on my grandparents farm in Hemlock Grove.


	2. Chapter 2

Summer was coming in hard and fast school would soon be over, and I prayed for time to slow down even as it continued to speed by. It wasn't that I liked school very much but with the close of school the twins would be gone and I would be alone for three long months. I wished they wouldn't leave me like this but I couldn't blame them if I had the choice I wouldn't want to hang around me all summer either. I would spend the summer the way that I always had for as long as I could remember, at my grandparents farm writing, because then I could live a thousand lives and have a thousand adventures that nobody, not the twins or anybody else could ever imagine. When I was writing, I was happy and when I wasn't I still searched for the world I carried inside my head. In fact so far gone into a world of my own making was I that the final moments of my middle school career ticked by without my notice. Then came the rush of hundreds of pairs of feet fleeing towards their first taste of summer freedom, I lagged behind slowly packing away my books and fastening my bag. At the doors to the school I said goodbye to the twins who were quick enough to leave me which I told myself I didn't mind, their vapid chatter was a mere annoyance that I was happy to be rid of but really the moment they walked away I felt the hollow ache of loneliness invade my chest and it took everything in me to ignore it. Deep down I wished I could be like them, beautiful and carefree, they were happy; people liked them because people like happy people, on the other hand I was just their shadow and nobody liked me.

I walked home with my head down tramping the familiar path through the streets and to the edge of the woods. My grandmother had told me more than once not to take this shortcut, it was too dangerous she said anything could happen and in the thick of trees no one could help you. But I couldn't resist. Alone amongst the quiet and the leaves I was free to be whomever I chose. Someone confident, loved, and desired. Someone worthy, someone special everything that I knew I wasn't and doubted I ever would be but wished for with all of my heart. Today, I thought about the boy, I pretended he was right there with me.

I had first seen him in these same woods, normally I avoided that part of the forest where his house lay because the owner before had frightened me, but that day I was feeling brave and so when I heard the voices I came closer. from behind the trees where I stood I could see him and his Mother carrying boxes down the long flight of rickety looking stairs leading down the bank from where there car was parked, a few moments later he left. Several weeks passed and I saw no more of him, though he didn't leave my mind, until one night when I happened to look out my bedroom window. In the light of the moon I saw a person, unrecognizable from a distance, standing at the edge of my grandparent's pond. I'm not sure what possessed me then but I crept out of the house quietly and made my way to the pond. As I got closer two things registered in my mind the first being that he was the boy I had seen in the woods and the second, that he was stark naked, his clothes heaped beside him. My cheeks burned and I knew that I should look away I should turn right around and go back to bed, but I didn't.

Now in the heat of that June afternoon I imagined what it would be like to swim with him and all of the things we could do. Driven by my ridiculous dreaming and, I now realize the loneliness I then refused to acknowledge, I strayed from my path to his house. Convinced that if he noticed me if I could somehow get close to him, the things that I desperately desired would be mine. I would have experience next year at school when I saw the twins I would be the one telling the stories, almost too good to believe, about late nights spent swimming with the mysterious gypsy boy and maybe more. I could finally be one of them.

I wonder now, if I would have looked down the rabbit hole before I leaped, or just looked around me, gotten out of my head and noticed, all that I had all of the people that loved me what would I have chosen then? My naiveté then is laughable now, I have to laugh mind you or else I would cry and I might never stop I spent so much time searching for the future that could be that I forfeited it and not just my own. I'm getting ahead of myself and I apologize but I feel that it is only fair to warn you that this isn't going to be a happy story.


End file.
